In the fall of 2000, my Medicine Circle group and I had gone camping in Northern Idaho to participate in a vision quest. In this quest (my fourth), I was practicing Hatha yoga poses that I didn’t know I knew, and seeing symbols like cobras and lotus flowers moving around me in circles. My Cherokee Medicine Teacher, River, suggested that I was being called to the path of yoga. In a few days, River produced a copy of KUNDALINI YOGA FOR THE WEST written by Swami Sivananda Radha, stating that this book would become like a bible to me. The book intrigued me, especially the subtitle, “A Foundation for Character Building, Courage & Awareness.” What could that mean?

Back home in Newport, Oregon, the somewhat daunting Kundalini book sat on my altar for six months. Then one Saturday morning, I opened it, began to read it, and became totally engrossed. For the next year or so, I worked my way “up” the chakras, becoming increasingly aware of just how much “cultivating” my life needed. I realized I was a sleepwalker who was ready to wake up and take more conscious control of my life. I decided to visit the source of this book, the Yasodhara Ashram.

In May of 2002, I drove the long road from my home on the Oregon Coast to Kootenay Lake in Southeast British Columbia. I had never been to an ashram, didn’t really know what one was, and didn’t know a soul there, yet I felt a strong call to go. I planned to attend a retreat called “10 days of Yoga,” where I hoped to experience several yogic practices and learn more about the spiritual philosophy described in the Kundalini book.

As I drove down that last gravel road by the lake, I felt an intense feeling of coming home. I parked in front of a golden octagonal building with a cupola on top, and just sat there, taking in the quiet beauty of the lovely spring evening light. Delicious cooking smells drew me inside. I was warmly welcomed at the front desk of the bookstore, and then headed down the hall to an organic dinner, eaten in silence. After dinner I drove up to the Guest Lodge, found my room, met my roommate, Marge, and unpacked. My 10 days had begun!

The fifteen of us, of various ages and from all over the world, gathered that evening in the Radha room overlooking the lake. Somewhat nervously, we formed a circle on the floor, introduced ourselves and spoke about what brought us to an ashram, what we hoped to learn and experience. The Swami gave us some background information, telling us that Swami Radha had been initiated by Swami Sivananda in Rishikesh, India in 1956, and spent her life adapting the ancient spiritual practices and philosophy of yoga for Westerners. She founded Yasodhara Ashram in 1963 so people could experience the teachings in greater depth, and also learn to live in community in a harmonious way. Swami Radha died a peaceful death in Spokane in 1995, and her students are now carrying on her work all over the world.

Our group started each day with 90 minutes of Hatha yoga, stretching our bodies and minds as we learned the various poses. We ended each day with a Satsang service held in the Temple of Light. Then I would clamber up the many steps to the guesthouse, feeling the good tiredness of an expansive day, knowing I would sleep deeply.

Each day was unique, filled with classes, quiet time, karma yoga, journaling and woodsy walks. One of my favorite workshops was on the Kundalini system, based on Swami Radha’s book that first drew me to the Ashram. This symbolic map of consciousness, based on the chakra system, showed me the beginning steps of how to consciously cooperate with my evolution. As the workshop progressed, I began to understand that I was only scratching the surface of an ancient, philosophical system that would encompass every aspect of my life if I chose to continued to work with it.

I was encouraged to “be my own authority,” to check everything out for myself. The focus was on learning through my own experience, so my questions were frequently reflected back to me: “What do you think?” Three key questions were: “Who am I?” “What is my purpose in this life?” “What is my mind?” And, of course, the answer is only found within, and is different for each of us. I made a commitment to myself to begin the inner exploration of this puzzle that was me.

Yasodhara is a karma yoga ashram, which means everyone works, based on the principle that “selfless service makes us Divine.” Since it was May, I worked with many karma yogis in the organic garden, most of them participating through the Young Adult Program, which allows young people between the ages of 18 and 30 to stay and work at the Ashram at no cost. They were delightful, a hardworking and cosmopolitan bunch from all over the world.

Each evening I walked alone or with others, down the dirt road passing the gardens to the Temple of Light for satsang. Swami Radhananda, Swami Radha’s successor and the Spiritual Director of the Ashram, led the satsang on our last night, giving a simple yet powerful talk, leaving me with much to take home and to reflect upon. As I drove back up the gravel road by the lake the next morning, I realized how deeply even this brief experience of 10 days at the Ashram had changed me. I was sorry to be leaving, yet I knew spiritual lights had been turned on inside of me and that I would be back.

My teacher, Swami Radha, recommended cultivating gratitude. She said it isn't enough to feel it; we must act on it.

In 2000, I became seriously ill and my recovery took over three years. My family, friends, medical professionals, and people I didn't know assisted me in many ways throughout this period. Being able to give back to others is a milestone, a sign that the tide has changed.

When I looked through the volunteer listings, I saw a notice that help was needed to teach a quilting class at a blind center. I was intrigued because I have quilted most of my life. Of course I had some trepidation, but I decided to do it. My initial fear of the handicapped is that I will somehow catch it and become handicapped, too. However, my work with the blind has taught me that fear is probably the biggest handicap. At first I wanted to do everything for the students to make some part of their life easier. Gradually I began to see that what is needed from me is compassion, not pity.

I have developed great admiration for anyone who has had to accept a physical limitation that will not improve or go away. I now see that to find a way to live with it takes courage, patience, persistence, and any number of other qualities. Rules have to be amended. I’ve learned that one has to impose on others and to trust much more—more than I thought I possibly could. I feel honored that I am asked to write checks, to help fill out an absentee ballot, write a personal letter, or just listen. I am inspired to live up to the esteem I am held in.

The women I work with want to be as independent as possible and do not appreciate someone doing the things that they can do. One woman likes a cup of tea when she arrives at the center. I considered making her tea the way I liked mine, but decided to see if she could make her own. I lined up the cup of hot water, the tea bag, spoon, packets of creamer and sugar, and a napkin and directed her hands to them. She made her own cup of tea that day. When I returned to the center the next week, one of the staff told me that she had insisted on making her own tea the rest of the week.

For one woman, I cut squares out of different fabrics and marked them with safety pins so she could distinguish the fabrics. The pins were on the top side of the fabric. One fabric had one pin in it and another had two pins, and so on. By feeling the pins, she could make her own design. People with a little bit of sight are able to use the sewing machine. I have rigged up extra lights, a magnifying glass, or a magnetic bar against the presser foot to line up the fabric.

There is a yoga class after my quilting class. When they learned that I was a yoga teacher, I was enlisted to substitute when the regular teacher was out. The first time I taught the yoga class, I told the students to take a step apart for the triangle pose and did the step myself. One man did not move. I said his name and he replied, "Which way do I move them?" I realized that this was going to be different than any hatha class I had yet taught. The other students laughed. I took my cue from them, laughed, and explained the step is to the side. I realized that I was taking another step in my own yoga training. I was being called on to be more flexible in my thinking and to be in the present moment to react to the needs of the situation. I often feel that I receive more than I give.

One of my spiritual practices is the Divine Light Invocation, a practice I learned at one of the Radha Yoga Centers. In this practice, I see myself filled with light and I can feel its warmth. I share the excess of the light with others without directing what the outcome will be. This practice helps me to let go of my ideas and concepts, to stop worrying about the outcome and be available in the present for inspiration and clarity to guide me. I send the Light to others, seeing the light flow around them at their best. Holding this image in my mind, I am more patient, listen better, and am more willing to try other people’s suggestions. This practice gave me hope when I was sick and helped keep my fears in check. I think it is the best gift I can give others, often without their even knowing it. The more Light I give, the more grateful I am and I am encouraged to continue reaching out to others.

Why do we focus on the Light? We need a symbol for the power that's greater than we are. I call it "Light" because it's the subtlest image. When I refer to Divine Light I am referring to the Essence, God, Divine Mother, Consciousness or Higher Self. The mind needs something to focus on. Light is a good symbol because it has the capacity to bring clarity or awareness. If you're sitting reading and you have a dim light, it's very hard to see the words on the page. So you get a brighter bulb. In the same way, if you bring light into your life, you begin to see your life more clearly, you begin to read it. Spiritual practice is bringing the Light of awareness into daily life.

I find it difficult to be in the Light for long without seeing what is going on. The light will unmask illusions as it enters your life. It's the same with studying the Kundalini system, a teaching which is a precise blueprint of our spiritual evolution. On entering the system you will come in contact with the Light and the Light will reveal your root issue. You start at the beginning with the human condition of survival: anger, competition, jealousy, greed, pain, fear. These things will inevitably be revealed by Light. This is the reality. When you study yourself and do spiritual practices, what you are generating will nourish either your awareness of the Light or those basic survival tactics. Learn to read your life, take responsibility, because you will be shown what it is you need to do. You can choose growing into the Light or you can stay in the dark and grow more angry, depressed, self important and deluded.

People starting on the spiritual path often think it is full of silence, light and Om sounds, but it's a CRASH! Mental and emotional turbulence is not unusual on the spiritual path. The path is not la-de-dah. It is a working through of our conditioning. It is a turbulent thing, it has to be. We're on this human plane, learning about being human. If we were perfect, then we would probably be on another plane where everybody's perfect, learning something else.

It is difficult when you have an idea that spiritual life and daily life are separate. What does it mean for you to lead a spiritual life? You have to be realistic.

If you get liberated from your concept of what spiritual is and get real about what being a human is, your life will take on a different meaning.

If you take Eastern tradition without translating it into your own life, or you are rigid about Western religions taking their ancient ideals of meditation, prayer and austerities literally, you will be limited. When you go beyond the formality of the practices, to the Essence, to the Light, all the traditions basically say the same thing. Milarepa, Christ, Buddha, Sivananda, Swami Radha, they have all taken life as a gift for learning. It's not about the robe you wear or living in a cave or a convent, it's about living with yourself and knowing yourself so you can be of benefit to others.

The purpose of spiritual life is to bring quality into life through the Light of awareness, understanding and compassion, not to get what you want or to be content in an illusion. People play games to get what they want on the spiritual path. Why? Because they are not committed to the Light and they are not serious about finding out who they really are. There are many games:

– The honesty game.
You play at being honest, so honest that you're spectacularly honest. You can admit anything. Next week you can admit something else. The "honesty" becomes a substitute for change.

– The child game.
Acting like you can't do anything for yourself, that you are "spiritually helpless."

– The humility game.
You act very humble. Behind these actions there is a strong desire to be recognized as humble.

– The justification game.
Everything that you do has an excellent reason (for being done), so there is no room for the light to come in. There's no room for anything to come in. The rational mind takes over, figuring everything out and making it tidy.

– The holy game.
Where you show all the actions and words of being holy, but there is no generosity or consideration, only the appearance of holiness.

– The pseudo spiritual language game.
Using words like "transcendence," "cosmic vision" or "one with the universe." The words are a facade when people don't want to look at themselves; the language loses its meaning.

– The spiritual partner game.
Using your partner as an excuse to not go forward with your own evolution. You "wait" and "support" the other so you can both go together. Nothing happens. Neither goes anywhere. What are you supporting?

– The dream lover game.
People often come to spiritual life looking for emotional gratification - a "dream lover" or "soulmate." If you are not looking for your own soul, what then is the purpose of a spiritual path?

One thing for certain, the Light brings pressure. You might have the expectation that when you get to that point of being lighter, life will be easier. But the Light is bound to bring pressure. That's its job. Your faith will be tested. You may get into a painful situation or get despondent or depressed. Light will pressure you to question your life, your actions and what has brought you to this point. If you cooperate with the Light, it will give you the ability to see through your illusions.

If you don't cooperate with your own evolution, or ignore the Light, things become worse. Look at your everyday situation. Is there tension, disagreement, conflict? The Light wants something changed so it will create this dissonance. This isn't a bad thing; it creates awareness that something has to be addressed. Will you just let it go, avoid the situation? Would that be compassionate?

Compassion isn't "niceness." It can be fierce. The most compassionate action is to break the cycle of illusion. Illusions are built from unrealistic expectations. They create a sense of a false reality. That's the thing with the Light, it keeps breaking the pots. Krishna breaks the pots and keeps things moving, so your life doesn't become a museum. He frees the rich butter to become available instead of being hidden away.

You can ask for the Light of understanding to reveal what you need to see in yourself and it will happen. Reality takes on a different form. The Light keeps breaking the illusions and bringing us to a subtler and subtler place inside of ourselves. It becomes the building block.

Can you see what really is and not just what you want to see?

Reality is always better than an illusion.

As a young woman I wanted the answer to one big question: How do I become joyful inside? I knew light-hearted people, people who were happy and full of laughter. Where does their lightness come from? I wondered. Are they just superficial? If they really knew, would they be depressed like me? Or is there something I’m not aware of?

I went to a psychiatrist, to therapy, and asked for a pill that would make my depression go away. One of the few drugs available at that time was lithium, but you needed to fulfill 8 of 10 requirements in order for the pills to be helpful. The only one that applied to me was the feeling of doom. So I muddled along, feeling that something was wrong with me, like I had a bad seed.

I tried many things. Exercising helped, so did therapy, and getting lost in work. Even emoting to friends helped a bit. They all alleviated the pain for a little while, but I wanted a pill—something that would just make it go away permanently, without side effects, and without much commitment or effort on my part. I tried meditation and this too helped for a while, but I didn’t have the patience to sit. And I was pretty rebellious, so setting up a regular practice didn’t appeal to me.

One day, I took a walk with a new friend, who recited the Divine Light Mantra to me:

And, shortly thereafter, I learned how to do the Divine Light Invocation, a standing meditation. It took 5 minutes. I put myself and other people in the Light. This I can do, I thought. It’s short. It’s easy. I tense the body and then release it, allowing the Light to flow in, reciting the mantra, affirming the Light’s presence. The Invocation requires concentration, but it doesn’t require great patience or commitment of time. It appears simple, but holds great power and depth.

My friend was taught the Divine Light Invocation from Swami Sivananda Radha. Swami Radha was the first Western woman to be initiated into sanyas, the Eastern path of renunciation. On the day of her initiation, she was given the Invocation. She practiced it intensively for many years to discover how it worked, to be sure she understood it fully before she taught it to others. Thousands of people have learned it since.

Someone I know with cancer found it is a positive way to fight the cancerous cells inside. In the middle of an argument, a friend repeated it in her mind and the argument stopped. Another friend, who often sought approval from others, used it to clear her mind when faced with disapproval.

But what really appealed to me was when someone told me about using the Light Invocation when she was depressed. She said that she used to get depressed frequently, but after she started reciting the Divine Light Invocation regularly, her depression lifted. Her story inspired me. So now every day, the first thing in the morning and the last thing at night before I went to bed, I would invoke the Light.

For a while I wasn’t sure why I was doing the Invocation so regularly. I wasn’t sure it made a difference. But something in me said, “Keep on with it.” And, since it was short, I felt I could.

Over time, the effects began to show. I went to a workshop where we drew pictures while listening to pieces of music. This was an intuitive process, and in one picture I drew lines being broken up by the Light. I realized that these lines were my obstacles, rigid concepts and patterns of thinking, and the Light was breaking them apart!

Sometime later, I noticed a small flame within me—a light—not always steady, but something I could go to, be warmed by.

The effects can be subtle. A few years later, I was talking to a housemate about being depressed and she said, “I’ve never seen you get depressed.” I thought about this. It was true. I no longer felt hopeless, no longer had a sense of doom. I couldn’t find the bad seed. It had been replaced by a glowing light that I could sense when I looked.

Now I know that the Divine Light Invocation helps us to discover who we really are. It transforms our identification from the ever-changing body, mind, and emotional states, to the steady Light within. We can use it to help both ourselves and others. This is true especially in situations and relationships where personal intervention is difficult or impossible because it gives us something quite different to offer. Invoking the Light brings a positive focus to our imagination and a positive direction for our feelings. The Invocation is also an aid in making decisions; we can find clarity to questions and issues when we put them into the Light. And if we’re feeling too serious, well, it can help us to lighten up.

Call (509) 838-3575 for more information or go to www.Radha.org and click on Spokane.
 

Every Tuesday and Thursday mornings, a dedicated group of yoga students attend classes for Health and Healing at Radha Yoga Center. It may be due to fibromyalgia that they come, or Parkinson’s disease, back problems, stiffness or aging. What they all have in common is a desire to maintain their health—and a desire to stretch, breath, and relax.

During the last ten minutes of class, the students lie down on their mats for savasana, a guided relaxation. An instructor begins savasana by saying: Bring your awareness to your feet and ask your feet to relax. Each part of the body is then guided in this way. The mind is also asked to relax and we are invited to invoke a feeling of gratitude for both body and mind. Being grateful for our body means accepting the state it is in—coming to terms with it, not trying to be somewhere other than where we are.

Consciously relaxing like this can summon those inner resources that lift our spirits, creating waves of well-being. Letting go, breathing deeply, being at ease can make any condition less imposing, less painful.

Dis-ease can create tension. Our body tenses or contracts when we face the unknown or when we experience discomfort or changes in our physical abilities. As each part of the body is asked to let go, to release and relax, there is an opportunity to expand into feeling positive, into hopefulness. As tension subsides, there can be an experience of deep quiet, stillness, and peace.

Relaxation has been part of my yoga practice for a long time. For the past few years, it has helped me to deal with the symptoms of Parkinson’s disease, to release the anxious thoughts, and to find my sense of humor again when everything seems so serious. The stillness and quiet are deeply nourishing for me. In the time of relaxation as I let the tension go, my heart expands, enfolding me in feelings of compassion, feelings that have a healing quality.

On the other side of this experience—in those quiet, still moments—feelings may pop up that have been kept at bay. To surrender these feelings of resentments, fears, or old hurts means letting go. To keep them alive may delay getting better or may create more strain. The choice is to turn over and try to go to sleep or to face what’s there. To face whatever comes up is key to health and healing.

At one point in my life when I was becoming very busy, a little voice in the back of my mind queried: Why did I get Parkinson’s Disease? Did I do something wrong? This was an uncomfortable thought. I tried to avoid it. The next one was: Do I keep myself busy so I don’t have to think about it? The answer was obvious. My symptoms were flaring up and I felt tense. As I got in touch with my feelings, a certain restlessness began to drop away. I realized I needed something that would be healing while allowing the time to relax and the time to think. This awareness has helped me to make the changes that resulted in more quality time in my day and a deeper level of acceptance of my condition.

Feelings of acceptance, tenderness, gratitude, and compassion hold the power to heal. They are not to be underestimated. It is well known that tiny little plants on mountain slopes can split rocks apart. A prayerful attitude and a decision to surrender and let go can split apart our resistance and stubbornness, creating peace and harmony in the physical body.

The yogis say that to relax is to be able to see things as they really are—without the embellishments of the imagination or the exaggeration of the emotions. They encourage us to relax and be ourselves.

Swami Radhakrishnananda teaches at Spokane’s Radha Yoga Center in Browne’s Addition. A Guided Relaxation CD is available for $15.95. For information on the classes or CD, call (509) 838-3575 or visit www.Radha.org.
 

Years ago, I heard my teacher Swami Radha describe the body as a spiritual tool. What she said intrigued me. I wanted to know more. What did she mean? How could my body, with all it’s imperfections, be something spiritual and sacred? Prayers were sacred. But my body? This was very different from ideas I had accepted from my religious background and society.

Today, I know from my own experience the truth of Swami Radha’s words. My body is a vehicle for discovering the truth of who I am. It is a gift I have been given for accessing my inner light. What is this light? It is a source of wisdom that resides within me, within each of us. This wisdom is waiting patiently for us to turn to it.

Throughout my life, I longed to access deeper understanding. There were times when I listened and heard and acted from a place of wisdom. There were times when I didn’t listen and ended up in a fog of pain and confusion. The pain came from being separated from my inner knowing and source of strength. Sometimes this pain manifested as physical pain, sometimes it was mental anguish. It was my soul’s way of getting my attention. Gradually I am learning to listen. It is the tools of yoga that have given me the way to access a deeper source of wisdom.

Hatha yoga is one of the practices within the larger yogic tradition. In the west, there is a tendency to focus on the physical aspects of hatha yoga. This is like walking along and seeing only the surface when in reality there’s a whole gold mine beneath waiting to be discovered. But where to begin uncovering this treasure? How do we access it?

I began practicing hatha yoga from reading a library book. My body liked the movements, which seemed familiar, like something I had known but forgotten. I began taking classes, learning how to do the physical poses. I did the poses well, but there was a feeling that something was missing—as if there was a whole dimension to the practice I was not tapping into. It wasn’t until I was introduced to the Hidden Language approach to hatha yoga that I realized my feelings were right.

What is this Hidden Language about? Where did it come from? Swami Radha learned the Hidden Language approach from her guru, Swami Sivananda, in India. He began with the physical poses and then challenged her to think about the symbolic meaning. Together they explored the headstand. He asked her what she observed when she was in the pose. “Well, everything is upside down!” He asked her how this applied to her life, could she turn her concepts and cherished beliefs upside down and look at them from a different perspective? “If you can do this, the result will be a greater accuracy of what you believe to be true, a better balance. You will not be flustered, you will not be angered if anybody opposes you.”¹  This was the beginning of her reflections. Swami Sivananda then showed her how to keep opening up the asana until she discovered the mystical meaning. One of the important lessons she learned from this approach is that the true yoga teacher will not take the joy, discovery, and victory away from the student.

The Hidden Language works with symbolism. It starts with the asana itself. The name. What does it mean? Today I begin with Tadasana, the Mountain. It speaks to me about the challenges of climbing mountains and the state of mind that’s needed to reach the peak. Going into the pose, I notice that my shoulders are tense. My shoulders respond this way when I feel pressure. The question arises: What pressure am I feeling in my life right now? As my shoulders relax, I feel myself settling into the mountain, into my body. I am listening, alert. My rational mind has become quiet. There is space for something else to come in. “Standing still, not running somewhere. Standing still, looking within.”²  My heart begins to speak. I am receptive. Understanding comes. It is as if my mind has moved to the peak of the mountain. From this place I can see what I am doing in my daily life. My tendency to place expectations on myself causes this feeling of pressure that I am experiencing in my body. As my shoulders relax, my mind relaxes. I feel a deep sense of peace spreading throughout my entire body. The feeling of peace comes from knowing that I will take the gift of insight that’s come and make changes in the way I’m approaching my life.

I am learning the language of my heart through the practice of Hidden Language Hatha Yoga. Like learning any language, it takes time, commitment, and practice. Each of the asanas is rich with symbolism. Reflecting about the name of the pose begins the process. Vrikshasana, the Tree. What comes to mind? Bark, branches, roots. “Where have my roots spread? Where do they get their nourishment? Which are mine and which belong to someone else?”3  Already the Hidden Language is revealing something that needs to be investigated. Where do I act from my own knowing; where do I act blindly? I go further in my explorations of the pose. There are stories and myths about trees from different cultures and traditions and ages. At the same time I am learning about myself, I am learning about my deeper roots. I feel the connection through time with the early Christians who placed statues of the Virgin Mary in hollows carved in oak trees. Knights made their sacred vows before the mighty oak. And then there are the great cosmic trees, the tree of life and the tree of knowledge. The tree leads me further and further into myself and with this comes an opening into another dimension, that place of inner knowing. It is a wellspring of energy and renewal. It is a place of deep rest and nourishment. My roots go deep. When I emerge from my practice, I feel energized and know that I have the power to do whatever needs to be done. I feel grateful for the gifts I have received. I am ready to give back to life.

It gives me great joy to see this process reflected in those who come together to practice the Hidden Language. As a teacher of Hidden Language Hatha Yoga, I have learned that the more space there is to explore during classes, the more each person receives. The feeling is tangible when the Hidden Language is at work in a room. It is quiet, focused and in the heart. There is the feeling of never wanting to leave this inner quiet space, of not wanting to do anything to disturb it—make a single movement or have a single thought. Peace, stillness. But the reality of life is that we must move and enter once more into the routines of daily life. Each time we practice, the connection to our hearts grows stronger. Daily life becomes the place to really practice yoga and to bridge the awareness that comes from our hatha practice.

“In due time one becomes aware that the practice of Hatha Yoga is not limited to the physical. It begins there because human awareness is, in the beginning, physical . . . the practice of Yoga will lead to increasing self-mastery, and it will become obvious that this is a formidable power.”   —Swami Radha

¹ Radha Diary of a Woman’s Search by Swami Sivananda Radha
² Hatha Yoga the Hidden Language by Swami Sivananda Radha

Most people think yoga is an exercise for the body, but there is so much more to yoga. The body has its own intelligence and very much like the language of dreams, it communicates what’s going in an honest and clear way. I'm learning to listen and understand my body's messages through the method detailed by Swami Sivananda Radha in her book, Hatha Yoga: The Hidden Language.

The book begins with the "Structures" poses. There are six: Mountain, Headstand, Shoulder Stand, Triangle, Sitting Forward Bend, and the Twist. I explored all of them, but I return over and over again to the Mountain.

First, I warm up my body, stretching it in a variety of ways so I can relax into stillness. The mountain environment is relaxing, but mountain climbing is strenuous and challenging. So is just standing still. How to become still, warm, and relaxed? I warm up with the Sun Salutation. Then I stand. As I make the climb, I am relaxed and even inspired during the process.

Structurally, the Mountain Pose can correct spinal problems. This encourages me as my spine is curved (scoliosis). Can I become straight, in my spine, as well as in my mind and emotions? How much are the Structures connected to what my mind constructs?

According to Swami Radha, you can learn everything you want to know about yourself through this one pose. "Standing still like a mountain sounds simple but it means controlling the usual physical and mental restlessness, being centered in the present moment." What stands in the way? What are the obstacles in my life?

I know from experience that things are set in motion by reflecting on the poses, allowing emotional undercurrents to surface and be dealt with in either the waking or sleeping state. It doesn't take long to see what my obstacle is. The messages coming through my body, my daily experience, and dreams are about criticism. Given that many of my dreams involve structures (buildings, mostly places where I've lived), I see I am constructing a critical environment that I live in day and night.

Just by bringing this into awareness, my dreams have changed; the structures of the past are changed. I once dreamt of a house I lived in that had symbolized an extremely challenging time; now it's empty and clean. I'm astonished to see that the smallest room in the house is huge. The window had expanded, opening to an extraordinarily beautiful mountain view. The dream confirmed that taking responsibility for my own criticism, and deciding I'm finished with the old events in my life, somehow changes the structure of the events themselves.

What is the ascent, really? In the Mountain pose, Swami Radha answers, "The process of ascent is a spiritual pursuit toward a solitude in which the rational mind must surrender its dominance. All intellectual activity has to recede to allow the mind periodically to be in its original state." I see now this is how to make the ascent to that sacred center within myself, to take a stand for the best in me, and to get in touch with this feeling wherever I am.

In order to "get there," the rational part of my mind, the intellect, has to stay behind. Then the ascent, the sacred, isn't out of reach; it's an attitude. I remembered that original state long ago. I was very young and stood very straight. I remembered being a spark of light. It's a blessing to remember this.

I stand again, this time I fill my body with Light. It's another way to warm up. I stand aware now of a state of mind I can return to, an original state. My weight settles down into my heels. The backs of my knees feel open. All of a sudden there is a release. My lower body gravitates from my low back to my feet while my upper body feels light, free, and straight! My whole chest expands. Something within me fills my entire form.

The sense of peace I feel has to do with self-acceptance. An acceptance of what is—an acceptance of my physical body as well as my mental and emotional make-up. An acceptance of my past, where I come from, the richness of my experience, the learning it brings. I climb the Mountain and in making the ascent I become more courageous in accepting where I am. It's a victory.

As I read through the textbook called Video Basics 2, I wonder how I will retain any of this technical information. I remember studying f-stop and depth of field and iris-something when I bought my first real camera. But the information didn't stick. What I did retain was a concept about my ability to learn anything technical.

Now I am trying to learn the basics of video. The professor, Father Highburger, tells Charles and me that to learn how to produce a video, we must know how a camera works; how T.V. works.

At one point the professor says something I understand, or want to understand:

"Nothing is moving but our minds. It is because of the mind that
30 still frames per second appear as if they are moving."

I think about this later. I start to wonder about this amazing little camcorder and what it does, how it does it, and how it is related to my own mind.

It all starts with white light, described as 'ordinary' white light. The camera is pointed at a subject and the image, illuminated by white light, is funneled to a point where it is split by a beam-splitter into the 3 colours: red, green and blue. It is the same with my mind: I choose something to focus on, my sense of sight perceives it, then part of my mind acts as a beam-splitter. It interprets, separates, colours and filters, converting the initial image into beliefs, illusions and concepts.

In the example of my ability to retain technical information, my mind focuses on the negative, colours it with some judgment, and hardens it into a cherished belief which  keeps ego on the throne. I limit my own learning. Somewhere along my path, I accepted the idea that I could not understand technical data. Not taking responsibility for my knowledge was a way for me to survive. My mind simply didn't want to be studied. When I realized this, I start studying anyway, and accept responsibility for controlling my mind and using my intelligence.

With the camcorder there are many choices available, beginning with the initial choice of what to point at. The more I know about the potential and limitations of my camera, and my mind, the more aware my choices can be. I can decide whether to leave the switch on "automatic" or to go to "manual" (conscious control).

I am excited to learn about the beam-splitter because I am willing and committed to learn about my own mind. Swami Radha tells us over and over that we must become aware of how our sense perceptions work, and what this amazing thing called mind really is. The camcorder becomes a way for me to learn more about the Light, and how my mind transforms this white Light into many images and beliefs.

I have learned this one part of the operation of the camera "by heart".

Swami Radhananda, the president of Yasodhara Ashram, visited Spokane, WA. in May to give a reading at Auntie’s bookstore on The Yoga of Healing, written by Swami Radha. She then met with the teachers at the Spokane Radha Yoga Center to discuss the process of healing.

The discussion started with the question, “Do we choose our health problems on some level as part of our life’s purpose?” I was particularly interested in this having dealt with lupus these last ten years. Swami Radhananda pointed out that we can learn from accepting what comes to us. If we see our situation as a punishment, it can create a pattern of negativity and resistance. If we can observe what is happening without judging ourselves, the emotions do not take control. Our energy can then be directed to positive outcomes, to our healing.

Because the imagination is quick to come in and build the worst case scenarios, all the what ifs, it is too easy to get stuck there. It’s like being on a wheel going round and round. She reminded us we have to lift our thoughts and feelings to a higher level, that in yoga this is the practice we’re doing all the time. Bring in the light of understanding.

It takes a lot of awareness to identify with the highest in myself, the Divine Light, while taking care of the needs of my body and dealing with the fears of my imagination and emotions. I listened as some of the teachers talked about being given a life changing diagnosis—diabetes, Parkinson’s disease, breast cancer. One said that she just felt numb and couldn’t take the news in at first, although she immediately made changes to her diet and began searching for information on the disease. Another said that it was a long time before she could say that she had Parkinson’s; instead she referred to it as ‘a condition.’ I am wary of saying I have lupus. I want people to see me rather than the disease. The real danger for me is that I may use the illness as an excuse to avoid what is unpleasant or to ask for special consideration.

One teacher talked about doing the practice of the Divine Light Invocation during her treatment for breast cancer. She said that it didn’t take away what was happening, but it made it so the treatment wasn’t the only thing happening. The Light helped her remember that she was not the pain or anxiety. Her work now is to keep identifying with the Light.

My illness helped me to understand that I am more than my body. I found myself beginning to look for the part in me that transcends death. Swami Radhananda talked about her experience with a student who was dying and how she saw death as a journey to the Light. Even though the woman was not afraid to die, it was still hard to let go. She was full of life in many ways until the moment she died. Now, after her death, the bulbs she planted are blooming and something she has given is still with us. The life force is powerful.

My struggle with lupus has had some difficult and scary moments, but it is currently in remission. Yet my life is different, changed by the process of healing. I have a stronger connection to the Light, an appreciation of what my body can do in yoga postures, and the insights my mind draws from my experiences.

Light is a universal symbol of Divinity. It is radiant, empowering, energizing, sublime. It is a symbol of the essence of divinity within us, a symbol of pure Consciousness.

But how do we experience the Light? It is one thing to use the word but another to know from personal experience what it is. One effective way is using an ancient spiritual practice called the Divine Light Invocation, brought to the West by Swami Sivananda Radha, a woman who traveled to India in 1955 seeking a meaningful purpose in life.

The Divine Light Invocation is a practice that takes concentration and a sincere desire to know the Light within. Through doing the practice you bring the Light of understanding into yourself and you also have an overflow to give. In the practice there is a tensing of the body to create heightened concentration, and then a complete relaxing to create a receptivity to the Light.

The most potent benefit I have found from practicing the Divine Light Invocation is a strengthened self-image. When I turned my focus to identifying with the Light, my dependency on others for acceptance and my fear of rejection fell away. My mind and heart began to connect with something intangible but very real, the power of knowing that I am more than my body or mind or the roles I have in my life. I have a very busy work schedule and find it easy to get caught up in the demands of the day and forget the Light, so I use the Divine Light Mantra as an affirmation in the midst of daily life. It is the most nourishing food for the mind that I know of. When I feed my mind spiritual thoughts I lighten up and see situations and interactions in a broader perspective. The power of the words help me to relax and be in the moment.

Swami Radha confirms this in her book, The Divine Light Invocation:

"In a state of relaxation and non-resistance, intuitive thoughts can flow that may escape our awareness at other times. Relaxation means non-resistance, surrender. Life is a flow, and we can live life to the fullest only when we are flexible. This does not mean being spineless. We must know our limits and discriminate as to when it is important to take a stand."¹

Swami Radha was my source of inspiration to seek the Light and I began to understand through my own daily reflections and through practicing the Light Invocation the importance of finding the essence of who I am. Swami Radha's reflections in her book, Time to Be Holy are the words of encouragement she gave to me patiently for many years until I took them into my heart.

She wrote:

"It's really your desire, your longing for the Most High that brings you to the experience. You will not get it from wanting another human being. Any person will let you down sooner or later, because everyone has to go her or his own way, and another person's development probably isn't parallel to yours anyway. So the day comes when people have to part their ways. But if you follow the divine, the Divine will never part from you."²

¹ The Divine Light Invocation. Swami Sivananda Radha. Spokane WA, Timeless Books, rev. ed., 1990. pg. 32.
² Time To Be Holy; Reflecting on Daily Life. Swami Sivananda Radha. Spokane WA, Timeless Books, 1996. pg. 53.
 

Divine Mother is sometimes thought of as a "being" outside of ourselves or as an image to worship, but really, She is the power within us. Her many aspects, which are given 108 names in India, represents different powers. Four of Her powers are wisdom, strength, harmony and perfection. What would it mean to manifest those four powers in our own lives?
 
 

How does wisdom manifest?

She is a goddess within us and She arrives as a thought form. We cannot demand Her presence but rather must wait as She takes Her time–percolating from the unseen to the seen, from the unconscious to the conscious levels of our minds. Divine Mother, as wisdom, resides as an intelligence in the heart. Connecting with wisdom means connecting to the heart.

This divine intelligence emerges when we care enough to put aside our own petty desires. If we do not, then our hearts close down. When we are heartless, it becomes acceptable to take advantage of people, and so we see crimes in our own families, in our workplaces, on our city streets. We see unsafe schools and countries at war. Because so many people lack heart, we live in a world full of conflict, violence and war.

If we return to the heart, to the feminine within ourselves, we can hear Divine Mother's voice. It is in this reflective place–an amorphous, chaotic place–where our ideals are incubated and our dreams arise. We have to be courageous enough to enter in and to allow what emerges from chaos. When we enter Her spaciousness, magical things begin to happen, shimmering within us. Gradually, She comes into sharper focus.

Her voice, which is the voice of intuition, has a different vibration than what we have been conditioned to hear. If we can open our hearts to Divine Mother, She will reveal what we need to know, but not always in the way we expect. Rarely does She come as a linear thought. Something is constantly birthing through Her, birthing through our minds as insights, and birthing through our daily lives as lessons and experience.

How do we manifest wisdom? We open our hearts and leave space in our minds for wisdom to enter. We recognize that life is transition–it is not in Her plan that we remain stagnant. We let the wisdom of each situation bring itself forward and carry us to the next step.

What is the power of strength?

There is a story of a man who was in prison for murder. Everyone was afraid of him because he was so strong, so loud, so unpredictably violent. His father prayed for him constantly, hoping that he would at some time see the Light. One day a guard noticed an unusual stillness and silence from the cell and went closer to check. The prisoner looked dazed and then suddenly reached out to embrace him. The guard quickly withdrew but then saw the amazing light of love shining from the prisoner's eyes. When asked what had happened, he said that Jesus Christ had come to him and asked, "What have you done with all the strength I have given you? If you would use it for my benefit, you could be of great help." From that day onward, there was a dramatic  change in the prisoner's attitude as he turned his strength to new purpose.

We can ask the same question of ourselves: what have I done with the strength I have been given? What will I do with that strength? What is it that brings my strengths forward? The strength needed to face life's challenges has to be exercised in the same way that a muscle needs to be exercised. Divine Mother provides us with the potential, but can we make the commitment to develop that strength? Can we live our lives fully, following through on what has been given? Often we get caught in self-will and do not even recognize that the challenges are Her ways to help us grow and develop our strengths.

We each come into life with certain strengths: perhaps strength of character, or certain talents and skills. Have you ever wondered why some people are strong in one particular area? Could it be that through many incarnations we have been developing our specific strengths? Think how Mary would have needed to build spiritual strength over many incarnations in order to give birth to Jesus Christ, to give birth to Cosmic Consciousness. Creation of any kind requires strength.

We can ask ourselves: do I have the strength to destroy the obstacles that stand in my way? What is needed to create a new world for myself? Do I want something passionately enough to break away from the crowd and to do what is best for myself, for my family, for my community? Do I have the strength to uphold my ideals?

The third of Divine Mother's powers is harmony.

We can recognize harmony in our bodies when everything is working as it should: breathing, eating, running, working, singing, praying–the body, mind and speech uniting in harmony. We also know that when we are feeling ill or distressed, things are out of balance and we have to do something to re-establish that balance. Sometimes it requires medicine for the body, calmness for the mind, and inspiration or joy for the soul.

Divine Mother needs a sacred space to be within us. The inner temple cannot be built unless there is harmony. If there is no harmony, only resentments and power struggles, there is no peaceful place for her to reside, inside or out.

Too often we see that people do not know how to live together, side by side. There is a desire to eradicate or kill that which is different. What gives anyone the right to kill–a life, a reputation, a relationship? We can ask ourselves: how do I learn to open my mind and heart to new ways of being? Is there space within my heart for a new idea, a new concept, a new person, or do I shut down and dismiss each new form of Divine Mother?

Accepting and celebrating differences within our families and our communities brings a sense that we are constantly meeting ourselves. I often hear the hum of Divine Mother at work when I am in a group dedicated to the purpose of cooperating with an evolving ideal. The work is lighter and there is a place for everyone. Everyone is treated as if they were Divine Mother Herself. We need to entice Divine Mother into our lives through living in harmony.

What is perfection?

An ordinary day becomes precious when we are aware of how perfectly a situation emerges, benefiting all involved. Think of a perfect moment. What makes a moment perfect? Details, sincere effort, right attitude, openness, gratitude, awareness, beauty. "The present moment is a great goddess." -Johann Goethe

Divine Mother will do anything to make us realize our lessons, the steps we need to take to break our concepts and to stretch our boundaries and to uncover our unconscious knowing. This is Divine Mother's job–to make us understand. She can open us to the experience of seeing the bigger picture. We are part of all that is around us. This is perfection. She uses whatever means, joyful or painful, to teach. Pain and suffering are the realities of our world. Unhappiness, pain, loneliness, death–everything we try so desperately to avoid–are exactly the gifts she is giving us so that we can learn and evolve. Through reflection we can see how the details of our lives perfect our understanding of ourselves. This is Divine Mother in action –leading us to a more fluid, changing mind.

Divine Mother has many names and forms, many qualities to help us with our unique mission. Because Divine Mother is part of us, there is always a guarantee that She will be there to answer any sincere call. She has given us this life and these powers. How are we going to use them? We need to consciously bring wisdom, strength, harmony and perfection forward in our lives. Then, when our earth time is finished, we will have no regrets and no resentments. We will have learned what we came to learn.

I have been working with dreams for many years now. Dreams are one of the many spiritual tools under the broader heading of “Yoga.” Yoga is all about exploring our body, mind, and Spirit—integrating or “yoking” them to help us become aware of our true potential. The more I look at my dreams and listen to my unconscious, the more insight I gain about myself and my world.

I believe that dreams come from our unconscious for the purpose of helping us. I like to think of my unconscious as my Inner Guru, whose function is to guide me. My unconscious is always eager to share it’s wisdom with me and one of it’s clearest methods is through dreams. Our dreams can give us insights about our life, our purpose, our past, and our future. Dreams can be very clear and specific, or symbolic—in need of exploration to uncover the meaning.

Dreams have many levels. On one level, everything and everyone in our dream represents us, mirroring us to ourselves. On another level, the dream reveals to us how we perceive the people, animals, relationships, and situations in our lives.

I recently had a dream where I was visiting my daughter and her house was tiny, cluttered, a total mess. Later in the dream, her house was miraculously clean, neat, and much more spacious. My daughter does indeed live in a small house, and with two boys, a dog and a husband, it gets very cluttered. I could have thought the dream was merely about her, but that would have only been looking at the concrete level. On a more symbolic level, at the time of my dream I was feeling overwhelmed and out of sorts, with too much to do and no clear plan on how to simplify. As I explored the dream, I became aware that my dream was showing me the state of my life—too busy, too cluttered, too closed in. The latter part of the dream with the clean, orderly, more spacious house had nothing to do with my daughter’s house and everything to do with what was coming up in my life. It showed me that I needed to clarify, prioritize, and simplify in order to “put my house in order.”

Dreams can develop our intuition, expanding our awareness by opening the door to the unconscious. The more we open that door, to listen and work with the insights, the more will come to guide us. To encourage my dreams, I  have a pencil and paper by my bed. Each night before I go to sleep, I make a clear intention to have a dream and to remember it. When I wake up, I immediately write my dream down, sign my name and date it. As soon as I have the time, I  explore my dream by noting my feelings and concerns at the time of the dream. I often work with key words through word association, searching for varying levels of meaning, sometimes even having a dialogue with various parts of the dream. And most important, I explore how to apply the messages in the dream to my life.

Sometimes it takes courage to write down a dream and work with it. I may make assumptions about the message and not feel like exploring it further. But often, when I do explore the dream, taking it step by step, it opens up to something entirely different from my initial interpretation. For example, I had a dream where I was entering my dark house at night and heard very scary growling and scratching sounds. I hesitantly opened my door and my house was filled with crazed animals running all around. I started smashing them right and left. I didn’t want to write this ugly dream down, and when I did, I just wanted to rip up the paper and toss it! “This dream certainly wasn’t about me!” But, of course, it was. I was even embarrassed to bring it to my dream group, but the perceptive questions of the group helped me understand that all those crazed animals were negative personality aspects which I needed to bring into my awareness and learn to control.

Nightmares can bring up the same feelings of “let’s just ignore this one, repress it and send it back where it came from.” I have had to face some tough nightmares, but I try to remember that they are also the guidance of my Higher Self. Sometimes my dreams have to carry an emotional punch to grab my attention and get me to listen. When I face the dream directly and have the courage to work with it, whole new worlds of inner strength open up.

The symbols and themes of our dreams are unique to each of us, so it’s helpful and exciting to develop a personal dream dictionary. Everyone’s unconscious communicates differently, so it’s important to uncover our unique words and symbols. No one can interpret our dreams for us, although others can ask pertinent questions and make comments that will lead to our own discovery. I have learned a great deal about my challenges in life by looking over past dreams, discovering repetitious themes and situations. Themes appear for a while, then when I’ve dealt with what I needed to learn from them, new ones come into my dreams to keep me progressing. I’ve had dreams that encourage me and let me know I’m on the right track.

It may not always seem so in the moment, but my unconscious mind is very gentle, never giving me more than I can handle. My dreams become stronger only when I have not heeded the messages. Sometimes my dreams repeat over and over, as my Inner Guru strives to get my attention. For example, shortly after my divorce, I had a series of dreams about my ex-husband, Lew. I hadn’t begun working with dreams yet, but this series was so powerful that it really grabbed my attention. In the earliest dreams of this series, I was filled with anger and a sense of betrayal. Gradually, dream by dream, I softened toward Lew, and my heart began to open in forgiveness. In the dreams, he and I began conversing, and I began to understand Lew’s feelings and his motivations in our relationship. Today, we are friends who respect and value each other.

I have found that participating in a dream group is helpful. Sharing my dreams each week helps me be consistent with my dream work and the helpful questions of the group opens the dream up in ways I seldom do on my own. The dream class is also a good introduction to the reflective aspects of yoga, emphasizing personal reflection and journaling. Discovering the messages in my dreams has deepened my understanding of how dreams offer insight into my everyday life. Working with my dreams has certainly become an important spiritual tool for me.

¹Realities of the Dreaming Mind by Swami Sivananda Radha, published by Timeless Books.
 

Dance is yoga, yoga is dance¹. Ancient yogic teachings speak of a vibration underlying everything. This flow and movement is the Ultimate Reality.

A few years ago in California, I saw an East Indian dance. The dancers tapped out rhythms with their feet, and spun endlessly. I was exhilarated by their movements and decided I wanted to learn it. I found a class. Ta-TAH-ta-ta-ta-tah Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta I tapped out with my bare feet. Dhig-dha-dhig-dhig-tay I spun. For an hour every week I kept moving. In between, my life was full of starts and stops.

I also learned prayer dances—entering a temple, making offerings, dancing to Divine Mother. I learned the dances, but then I would forget them because I didn’t practice. I liked it yet I resisted. I criticized my mistakes and my forgetfulness. In my desire to get it right, I lost the joy.

Once I heard in my mind: “You live as if your death depended on it.” I noticed that when I accepted movement and change, I had chosen life. When I resisted and held back, my life became mechanical—no more change, no more movement . . . a kind of death.

Then, a couple of years ago, I learned a dance to Krishna, the Divine Lover, the Guide, the Teacher—and something took hold within me. I decided that I could discipline myself to do this. I can practice it at least once every day. The dance began to be fun and it entered my heart. It entered my heart so intensely that I ran off to take a 3-month yoga course to meet the Divine inside. And I continued to dance.

I had read about the ancient doctrine of vibration and found a brief description of a practice where devotees put their bodies in the form of a deity to learn to identify with that deity. During sacred dance, as I identify with the Divine, I am at my best. I become the form of the Divine. I shape my body as the Divine’s, moving my hands to form Krishna’s flute, or demonstrate Divine Mother’s abundance, or show Siva’s matted locks. I have Krishna’s lenience, Divine Mother’s compassion, Siva’s focus. Understanding enters my cells until I know that I am more than this daily body-mind. I become wholehearted, unified, a true yogini.

In sacred dance, the possibility unfolds, of being more than our rational mind can hold. We are carrying on an ancient tradition, keeping the movement going within and without until we know without a doubt that we are Divine.

¹ Swami Sivananda Radha, 2004, Kundalini Yoga for the West, Timeless Books, Spokane, WA,  p. 90

Swami Radhananda is the spiritual director of both Yasodhara Ashram in British Columbia, Canada and the Radha Yoga Centers internationally. She is the successor to Swami Sivananda Radha and has studied the yogic teachings and applied them in her own life for almost 30 years.

Swami Radhananda has opened the Ashram to youth from around the world with a youth and internship program. She has been instrumental in supporting young people to develop ascent magazine, now an internationally award-winning publication. She has expanded the Ashram’s teacher-training program into a highly respected, in-depth retreat that has teachers returning each year and has guided the Radha Centers in their purpose and teaching.

On her recent trip to Spokane, Swami Radhananda was interviewed by the teachers at Radha Yoga Center on the subject of women and spiritual leadership and what has inspired her in her life.

RYC: How did you make your connection to the Ashram and Swami Radha?

SR: I came to the Ashram to live because I wanted to help Swami Radha’s work and to give back from what I had been given. I saw that having my own family, and my own work gave me an understanding of life and that I could use this experience for the benefit of others.

I was fortunate enough to have a teacher who was a woman. When I started I was very cynical about ashrams and swamis. Then I went to Yasodhara Ashram and met Swami Radha and heard her speak. There was something about what she had done with her life experience. She was so compassionate, and practical. She wanted other people to understand themselves through their own life experiences.

RYC: Could you tell us more about how you lead the Ashram?

SR: At the Ashram there’s a routine, a structure, and meetings. It has a life of its own and when we prioritize, it’s a group decision—deciding what we’re going to be focusing on. Then everybody knows about it. The priorities can come from different things—for example, what we’re going to focus on spiritually as a group. Often that comes from the courses we’re giving or something that we found from Swami Radha’s material or a new book that we’re putting out. It’s like there’s a wave that comes through and people who are committed start working with it, keep working with it, go deeper with it or follow it through. So that’s where the focus is when people come to the Ashram.

RYC: Do you work with men in a different way than you do with women?

SR: One of the things about women is that they don’t know their self-worth. They often don’t put themselves in a position to be responsible and take on leadership. They wait for someone else to do it. If they don’t take the lead, they can always blame it on someone else.

Women need to accept leadership and be able to work with men. Swami Radha made that very clear. They’re not different. I don’t make a distinction between men and women. It’s the person, and each person has their history. I saw what Swami Radha did. She kept in mind the person’s background. For example, she would remember that this person came from an alcoholic family, or this person was a middle child. It wasn’t that this person was a man or this person was a woman.

It’s important to know the ideals and qualities you want to bring forward. I think again it really goes back to the individual. One of the questions that Swami Radha asked the men is why they chose a woman teacher. And then she asked the women, because it’s also very difficult for them to trust a woman. So why did they have a woman teacher? It’s like finding those people who already have the connection to their own feminine or their own Divinity. Some people come and have a really hard time with the Divine Feminine because of their mothers. So—there’s something else. I think it goes back to Light and Love that can infuse anything and make it sacred.

RYC:Will you say something about the strengths that you need as a woman in a position of leadership, like yours, as spiritual director of Yasodhara Ashram?

SR: The strength comes from my spiritual practices and my ability to look forward—to envision things. I know how the Ashram works and I know what Swami Radha was doing to try to get us to understand the bigger perspective. Now I am incorporating that. I can’t keep the bigger perspective if I’m answering every question or doing everything. I have to know what’s happening, so it’s like gathering a bunch of facts and then asking: How do we evolve? What’s the next step?

Several years ago, dearly hoping to find more peace and relaxation in my life, I found myself enroute to an ashram to take a six-week course in yoga. Yoga - the word had very little meaning for me, nor did I know anything about what an ashram was. A very good friend had recommended this beautiful spot in Kootenay Bay, British Columbia, assuring me this was a place to receive help with the depressions that had been assailing me for years. So I took the plunge and signed up for a six-week stay.

Discovering the Yasodhara Ashram Retreat and Study Center was like finding a jewel. It is situated on Kootenay Lake, nestled in the mountains, and surrounded by the beautiful cedar trees. It teaches the very highest caliber of yoga. This is a place where people of all religions are welcomed, and I quickly learned that what it offers are tools - practices for living a healthy, balanced and compassionate way of life.

The program was led by ashram residents, in a gentle, caring and direct way. They taught me the yogic practices of mantra chanting, Divine Light Invocation and kundalini yoga and posed questions for papers that were assigned each night. The question asked the first day was, "What do you think is the purpose of your life?" It was almost easier to answer this in the negative. It was clear to me that the purpose of my life was not depression or mood swings. My hope was that health and well-being lay beyond these mental-emotional states. As I wrote the papers and stretched my body and mind, a fresh perspective began to fill my thoughts - that sense of well-being which had been so elusive was now touching my heart. The whole process made sense to me.

I probed the symbols of my dreams in Dream Yoga, applying a simple, straightforward method, and the messages which emerged from these dreams helped and directed me. The nightmares slowly ebbed away and dreaming became a source of interest and investigation. My dreams literally came true. They warned me, protected me and advised me and told me what I really wanted - the truth.

Hatha Yoga, the Hidden Language involved both my body and mind. Standing straight in the mountain pose, or bending forward in the tortoise helped me stretch to new heights and stand up for myself or reflect on what my shell is made of - like defensiveness or touchiness. I found the hatha yoga exciting, invigorating and breathtaking all at the same time. The intuitive answers that came from simply asking a question in a pose were so to-the-point, that they stayed with me for a long time. I couldn't ignore the truth of them and at the same time they came in such a gentle way from myself - no one was standing there telling me, 'you argue too much' or 'you are off balance today.' The way the answers came often made me laugh, and the humor helped me swallow the insights whole.

As I learned the practices of the kundalini system, the limitations that were holding me bound lost their grip on me. A part of me was still unconvinced though. Would the changes last? I decided to give it two years and really put myself into a program of practice and reflection. My plan involved hatha yoga and mantra chanting daily, reflection in the evening and prayer dance when needed. At the end of the two years, the depressed states were gone. I knew I had turned a corner.

Yasodhara Ashram was founded by a remarkably strong and courageous woman, Swami Sivananda Radha She entered into her yogic training at the age of 44 in Rishikesh, India, studying with Swami Sivananda. He sent her back to the west to "update the ancient teachings of the east." She founded Yasodhara Ashram in the early sixties, and it is still going strong today under the direction of Swami Radhananda, her successor. Swami Radha trained people as they came and went, never wavering in her own dedication and purpose. Her books on all the practices constantly remind us to think in depth, to clarify what we are doing, to have high ideals and to consistently reflect on daily life. Make the changes you want to make and do it now was her urging.

In her book, "Time to be Holy, Reflecting on Daily Life", she encourages us:

Ask yourself, Who am I? Where do I want to go?
What do I want to make out of this life?
You must decide on the goal. Nobody can do that for you.

In the last years of her life, Swami Radha established teaching centers in Spokane and Hayden Lake, called Radha Houses. She felt it was important that all aspects of her work be available in the city. Today there are weekly classes offered in Hatha Yoga the Hidden Language, prayer dance, meditation, kundalini yoga, mantra and dreams. All these classes help people in setting goals and understanding the purpose of their lives. This is what I discovered, and it truly has changed my life.